July 7, 2010 - Posted by Erin in Culture, Spain

A few blogs back I introduced you all to a funny little saying in Spanish about being in the middle of nowhere – where Jesus lost his keys. In English we seem to have only one way, at least that I can recall, to say such a thing, and it is indeed that we are “in the middle of nowhere.” In Spain, however, there seem to be countless ways to express this idea, and each one of them is nothing short of absolutely entertaining and imaginative.

Apparently Christ was rather forgetful when he was off in distant lands given the slew of ways to express his middle-of-nowhere-ness. Jesus wasn’t just losing his keys out yonder in the countryside, but according to one Spanish saying he’s also gone and lost his lighter!?? Yes, “we are where Christ lost his lighter.” Really, it makes no sense to me, but somehow the idea of Jesus hunting for his missing lighter is pretty much beyond hilarious. And Jesus said to his disciples, “hath any of you seenith my lighter or keys?”

In addition to losing things in far off places, I guess Jesus also had time to reject the temptation of the devil three times, according to the saying “where Christ gave the three voices.” Now I’m a bit lost on this one, but evidentally it represents some famous part of the bible that I am not familiar with (as opposed to all the parts that I’m super familiar with…). Long story short, Jesus spent a lot of time in distant places.

Another particularly descriptive one is “where the wind turns around.” There’s something about this saying that seems so poetic and perfectly discriptive to me. I can’t really imagine where the wind would turn around, but I assume it would be in some far off land without a soul in sight. I think it’s fair to say that this might be their most sensible version of communicating how remote a place could be.

This last one is a little (or a lot) vulgar, which is not at all uncommon in the Castilian language. So for this one, Grandma, you can turn off your computer now, or risk thinking me a very crass and un-ladylike granddaughter.

First, a little background. In English when you are really mad or angry at someone you (certainly not me, ha!) can say “go bleep yourself in the bleep.” Well, in Spanish they say something to the affect of “go get bleeped in the bleep.” Soooo, there’s this lovely saying that basically goes “we are where you get bleeped in the bleep.” And seriously, this is an entirely normal thing to say! I do appreciate the creativity and, well, specificity of this reference, but I don’t know, there’s something more pleasant and heartwarming about Christ and the wind….wouldn’t you agree?

When all is said and done, I just hope that Jesus wasn’t around looking for his lighter and keys while people were out there getting bleeped in the bleep. How awkward.